balance

Whoa, it has been awhile.

For the past couple months I have been thinking about what my word for the year could be. It was pretty evident what it needed to be as I was going from one task to another and not really seeing the big picture of where I am headed in my life.

I was overwhelmed and depressed and concluded that I needed a major life overhaul.

According to the dictionary, one of the definitions of BALANCE is "to arrange, adjust, or proportion the parts of symmetrically."

Now as my life is starting to settle down after some of the changes I have made, I am ready to emerge again in the blogging world with a renewed sense of not only what and where I need to be now but the direction of the path should be taken for the future and dang...it looks bright.

I realized that every activity, every minute of every day was directed by work. Do I work this night, will I be too tired to participate, are we ever going to be able to do anything fun? So, I changed jobs and cut down my hours. I went back home to the University Hospital and I will never, ever have the reception that I received anywhere else in my life when I walked back on that unit until I am reunited with loved ones up in heaven. I felt like a celebrity. It was so fun to see all my friends and in a weird way, it was like I never left. Although I had to readjust my work flow due to the differences between IMC and the U, I felt like I was right where I needed to be and could jump right back in. I will miss my friends at IMC but I know that this was a good move and working less and being with my peeps at the U has improved my mood significantly.

A few months ago I also started making changes in our financial accounts and we are really trying to save money, we ask ourselves if we really need this or that, I started couponing, and I feel like I am pretty good at finding a deal now. I am hoping that we can start having more excursions and doing fun things together as a family with cutting down at work and putting our money to good use. I want to have fun in this life...not have it be a platform for how much we can work.

I also realized that I was making excuses of why I was not doing the things that I needed to be doing in my life because I was so tired from working so much. I wasn't saying my prayers or reading my scriptures on a regular basis. I wasn't going to the temple. I would be grumbly about helping my kids out or wouldn't be on top of things and we would be scrambling to get projects done. I didn't feel like I was there for my boys and I felt empty because my cup definately was not running over. It was pretty much empty. We are working on bringing the Spirit back into our home and working together as a family to pray more and study more and become a stronger family.

Exercise is also something I am trying to work on since it is pretty non existent in my life. I want to live for a long, long time and I know that I need to start doing it to increase my health and also feel better about the way my tummy looks. I am thinking about cutting back on my diet coke intake but one thing at a time, right?

Both Justin and I have grown in the last year and feel blessed and grateful for where we are right now. I am excited about the future and am happy that just little changes have brought such peace into my life.

I needed it.

Love

This year I was having a hard time getting into the Christmas spirit. I was totally feeling it around the end of October when most of my shopping was done but I think I peaked too early and fizzled out sometime around Thanksgiving. I wanted to feel all warm and spiritual and loving but I was frazzled and stressed and trying to do way too many things that I thought would put me in the holiday mood but it did quite the opposite.

I was thinking that if I got my shopping done early that I would have more time. I thought that with the more time I could do more things. And by doing more things it totally backfired on me and I was feeling like the Grinch with my heart 3 sizes too small. I just needed to slow down and let the spirit of the season ooze into my soul and I needed to delight in all of the magic that was already around me. Having children around at Christmas is my favorite thing ever. I love that they make projects at school to bring home and hang on the fridge. I love that they are humming or singing Christmas songs. I love that their little minds are always buzzing with excitement at what the present with their name on it under the tree might hold. I love that they think of others more, help each other more, and love each other more.

When I stopped to think about this and was being Santa's helper on Christmas Eve it finally sunk in. I hope I can remember that it is not all that we can squeeze into the Christmas season that makes it special, but how we spend it as a family. This realization came not a moment too soon.

Christmas morning came with these smiling faces and their eager anticipation while dad goes to check if Santa truly came.



I feel very blessed that Santa does come to visit my boys. I think that even though they are your typical boy that likes to fart, tease, giggle at potty talk, and get dirty, they are such good boys that also like to help, laugh, and love.

I also love the expressions on their faces when they get that special present that they asked for. Over and over and over.

I was very excited about Justin's present. I made him a University of Utah t shirt blanket. I got the idea from my sister who made her husband one for his birthday and I knew that Justin had to have one. Although my mom helped quite a bit I still feel I contributed enough to say that I made it. I was very proud of myself and Justin loved it.

The rest of the day was fantastic. It was laid back and spent with family and toys were played with. Time was also taken to remember our dear Savior. I am so grateful for Him and all he did for me. I have a long way to go before I will feel that I am worthy to see Him again but I am trying everyday. I hope I can slow down not just at Christmas time but throughout the year to remember him and be more like him. Then maybe next Christmas, it will mean even more.

the weekend before Christmas

Twas the weekend before Christmas & all seemed just right,
getting our home ready for Christmas, all merry and bright.
With parties to go to & planned activities in store,
it promised to be a weekend of memories galore.

On Friday we traveled to my in-laws' place
because Santa was there showing his jolly round face.
We ate and we laughed and went on our way
for Saturday we were going to the Nutcracker ballet.

Early next morning was Luke's basketball game,
he played well at first but then events turned way lame
In the second half he looked as white as a sheet
then spewed all over the court which wasn't so neat.

He went down the court--leaving a trail as he ran
the janitor was definitely not Luke's biggest fan.
We left in a hurry, but outside we would learn
that Andrew decided that he would also have a turn.

The Nutcracker was out, much to my total dismay
since we would be spending quality time next to the bidet;
We found some friends that wanted our seats
and that night I was in the routine of "kid vomits, clean up, repeat."

"Now Clorox! now, sanitizer! Now antibacterial soap!
On Sprite! On saltines! I was at the end of my rope!

And then, on Sunday, Justin was down,
missing another family party (imagine a big frown);
I took all the kids since they all seemed better
But it was then Nick's turn to feel under the weather

Monday he stayed home from school, I was his servant
as the day wore on it became very apparent
That I, too, to this darn bug was succumbing,
as the hours passed by the sicker I was becoming.

"I don't have time to be sick!" I yelled out in fury
but a dose of Ibuprofen took my aches away in a hurry
I went to bed early only to later arise
to be sick, faint twice and into the bathtub I capsized.

As I fell to the ground with a rather large bang
Justin to my side very quickly he sprang
I was not making sense when I finally came to
so he took me to the ED for and IV and labs too!

Everything checked out and I was totally fine
and the bug in our household finally resigned
Back to normal our routine did become,
but with the holiday coming it was anything but humdrum.

With Christmas approaching and still much to do
we were grateful we were over our bout with the flu;
And could be with our family as much as we desired
without worrying that we would be grumpy and tired.

Christmas Eve was a joy, I didn't take pictures
but it was fun to be with family, my hubs, and my youngsters;
We put on their pjs, all our worries a hindsight,
"Happy Christmas to all, and to all a good-night!"

(pictures to come soon!)