*2012*

Hello New Year.

There have been many things that have been on my mind lately and I realize I still have much of the Christmas holiday to post but with our computer temporarily out of commission I feel this is a perfect time to take a breath and reflect on our life over the past year or so.

It has been a crazy ride the past couple years. Well, the last few years actually. One that involved tears, patience, swallowing pride, and a huge amount of self realization. It was actually very productive and created a strange but lovely garden of stress and harmony and self confidence and frustration and a most bountiful harvest of hope.

Part of me wants to push rewind and revisit choices that were made. Actions that were taken. Consequences that were felt. But then my practical side realizes that this never can be done and we look at the damage. A few bruises here. A bump there. Overall, we have come through relatively unscathed.

I am not quite sure what I am supposed to learn from all of this however. I am obviously not catching the hint because I feel that we have had the same trials over and over but hopefully I become more polished as I tumble through. I feel like it is slowly coming to an end but don't want to become too sure of the prospect of our own house again yet since everything is in God's timing but I am hopeful that what we have been working so hard for will finally come to fruition.

Justin and I are better communicators. Better friends. More thoughtful and kind to one another. No, it is not all roses and butterflies around our home but we are definitely in a good place. A happy place.

My kids are amazing people. I am so proud to be their mom. Honestly, I love being a mom more than anything in the world. I cannot imagine my life without them. Sometimes I feel like I am uninteresting because my life revolves around my kids and they are all I ever really talk about. But then I don't care because they are my life.

Nick is wonderful. He has such a good head on his shoulders and plans to do good things with his life. He is polite and helps and uses his manners. He also uses his big brotherliness to bother the daylights out of his siblings but if that is the worst he does, I can live with it. He will get what is coming to him in a couple years when those little brothers become taller and stronger than he is.

Andrew is fabulous. He is scatterbrained but makes up for it with his sincere love for everyone. He is so loving and kind and sensitive that it makes my heart melt. He is such a delight to have in our family.

Luke is as stubborn as the day is long but he makes me smile. My favorite thing lately is to watch him play the cello with his tongue sticking out. His smiles melt my heart and I love that he signs "I love you" as he walks into school and makes sure that I am watching.

Liam is my little buddy. We do everything together. He is worried that I will die before him and it is a source of anxiety for him. I assure him that it will be a long time before this happens. He asked my dad the other day if he would be his friend because Grandma Scott said he could have one friend come up and play with him at their house. I thought it was the cutest thing ever. I am so happy that he is our baby.

I don't want to focus on New Year's resolutions because there are so many things that I would like to accomplish. There is one goal, however, that I realize I must focus on. My relationship with my Savior.

I have not been doing the little things that I should be and want to be doing but time slips away and another day goes by without saying my prayers. Or reading my scriptures. You get the idea. So no more excuses. I will be better.

One of my favorite people ever passed away just before Thanksgiving. An incredible woman who bravely fought breast cancer with grace and with an insane amount of courage. She is wonder woman and happens to be the mother of my dear brother in law.

At her funeral service, I learned that one thing she was adamant about was everyone being together in the celestial kingdom. "No empty chairs." I love love love that and I hope it is okay with her family but I would like to also use it for my family. "No empty chairs" means there will be family home evening. There will be good choices. There will be no excuses to do the little things that keep our family strong. This is why I got married in the temple--to have an eternal family.

I also want to post inspiration that I have read or heard to help me stay on track with my goal. I will start with a talk from the October General Conference.

Read it here.

2012 is going to be a good year.

I love it already.